The Purpose of Modesty

The Purpose of Modesty: "I believe we women need to understand the role of womanhood, embrace our God-given femininity, express our Designer-uniqueness, and as ambassadors, radiate the love and beauty of the Lord Jesus Christ to a dark, despairing world." Narelle Worboys

What is beauty? Can I be beautiful? How do I do it?

Boutique Narelle is excited to signpost for you a webinar that’s not just skin deep, seven one-hour sessions with Anna-Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin which you can watch at your convenience.

“Reclaiming Beauty: A New Look at How to Glorify God in Your Body” covers topics ranging from such practical issues as skincare, fitness, posture, voice, modesty, home-made beauty products, and color analysis…to subjects as penetrating as personal identity, insecurity, comparisons, worldliness, vanity, idolatry, our attitude toward others, and the state of our hearts before the Lord.

Click here for full details.

Duggars on Modesty

A Public Expression of Modest Femininity

I love meeting people who are courageous and content in modesty. I've been remotely-introduced to these happy, beautiful young ladies whom a TV channel finds interesting enough to make multiple programs about and whom viewers find fascinating. The American family have also published two books which I found to be complete page-turners.

"The Duggars: 20 and Counting" recounts some of the questions asked by viewers about the way the girls dress, and includes answers from the Duggar parents or their daughters.

e-Mail to the Duggars
Q: Do your daughters always wear long dresses? Why?
A: First, we want to stress that this is our family's practice. We don't put our conditions on other people or tell others what they should wear. Our standards of modesty are based on personal prayer and Bible study. We want to attract others' interest to our faces and our character, rather than to our bodies. For us, that means long pants for the boys and long skirts for the girls and no low-cut tops. Amazingly, some of our older children have developed stronger convictions about dress standards than we have.

Here's a question of which I've heard many variations. I love how 16-year-old Jessa responded to it. (Click image to enlarge.)

Click here to enjoy photos of the Duggar girls and cute girl-outfits. Jessa and Jinger are the family experts on how to dress modernly-modest, and most of their shopping is done at thrift stores. Notice how they use layering.

Thank you, Duggars, for sharing your life with the world!

Their second book, "A Love that Multiples"*, includes modesty links in the Resources section. I had a browse and am delighted to add www.ChristopherandBanks.com to Boutique Narelle's recommended stores list.

This resource link answered a question I'd been longing to ask the Duggar girls: What is that garment you're wearing under your t-shirts?

After studying photos of the way the girls dress, I deciphered that they have access to a layering garment I've never seen in New Zealand or in any online store to date. It has more shoulder coverage than a camisole. It has a crew-neck like a t-shirt, but no sleeves. Its hem is at hip level, so it's not a tee-neck/dickie/modesty panel.

You can purchase them from www.christopherandbanks.com or plus sizes sister-store www.cjbanks.com. The store calls the garment a tank, but it's quite unlike the tanks available here which are nothing more than glorified singlets. My description is a sleeveless crewneck tee. 

Wearing two layers of cotton knit won't be a comfortable solution for hot climates (or those that have summer without air-conditioning). It's a wonderful modesty fixer for mild climates, and it might mean you can wear those pretty blouses made of sheer fabric.

If you'd like to find out more about the fascinating, inspirational Duggar family, their website is www.DuggarFamily.com.

I still have a question for the Duggar ladies: How do you get your hair kinky like that?


Note: We are very sorry for the missing images in this post. They were unexpectedly and irriversibly gobbled by Google+. 😱😭

Bare Bosom Teacher? No Thank You!

When Frances* retired from teaching, she became a student again, learning to play the cello.  She loved her teacher Marie's skill and knack of inspiring her. She also appreciated her ladylike standards.

After two years' collaboration, Marie announced the bad news. She would soon be moving to another city. Frances and the other students would have to find a new teacher or else travel 5-6 hours per lesson.

Shortly after this devastating news, Frances attended a regional cello day attended by 45 cellists and their teachers. Frances used the opportunity to survey the one teacher who would live closer than Marie. She was not happy with what she observed and came home with the despairing conviction that she would have to travel for lessons.

What do you think it was that swung her opinion against the teacher? Any guesses? It was something that would be easy to fix and yet seemed insurmountable. The teacher was sharing with the world a vast expanse of her bare bosom.

Frances shuddered at the thought of the woman leaning over her to correct her finger positions or bowing technique. She did not need that distraction.

She remembered Marie's other students who were in search of a teacher. Would the parents of the 11 and 12 year old boys be happy with their sons studying bare breasts along with their music?

You might ask, What's wrong with a male getting an eyeful of public breast? You will find an answer to that in this letter from a Christian male who longs to honour women in his thought life but meets with continual obstacles placed in front of him by the very women he wishes to honour.

Wondering what to do about preventing public eyefuls? Set an example with your own dress, by being consistent in this, then share with other women what immodesty does to the men we profess to care about.

Cello teacher Marie has grimaced over a particular high school who would not permit female students to change out of their A-line uniform skirt into sports trackpants for cello lesson and so they have to hike their skirt way up in order to get their cello between their knees.

What should a modest girl wear when playing cello?

I've viewed footage of world renown cellist Jacqueline du Pre', of actress Emily Watson who played du Pre in the biopic "Hilary and Jackie" (I do not recommend the movie), and of Keri Russell who plays fictional Lyla Novacek in the movie "August Rush". These concert cellists wore full skirted dresses, usually floor length but sometimes knee length, which allowed them to get their knees apart but still kept them covered.

We don't all wear an evening gown when we make music, so how do we handle our everyday situations?

Marie recommends that her female students wear dress trousers, and was stunned to learn that Frances doesn't own any. This is because her shape doesn't make this sort of trouser a comfortable option. She usually wears skirts, but she discovered that her petticoat created a problem. Her solution is to choose skirts made of non-cling, non-transparent fabric and to remove the petticoat before playing cello.

Whether you play cello or some other instrument, or make music with your voice, take a pause and consider: Is my appearance as well as my music to God's glory and man's benefit? If it isn't, what do I need to change?

May God bless you as you walk the narrow path.

*Names changed to protect privacy.


"You are beautiful; yes. That much I can see without you doing anything to convince me. But please do not entice me to notice you. Is it not enough that God endowed you with the beauty you possess? And that He has made you a gift to your present or future husband? Please help me to rejoice with him rather than tempt me to steal from him."
From "A Godly Man Comments on Modesty", Pure Life Ministries Free Resources


Note: We are very sorry for the missing images in this post. They were unexpectedly and irretrievably gobbled by Google+. 😱😭

Modesty Isn't About Rules

I know you love getting girly with like-minded girls.  It's a precious thing to have sisters and/or girlfriends who share our values and make time to be with us.

In those girly times, has one of you brought up the topic of modesty? How did it go? It's so easy for friendly discussions to turn into arguments over hemlines.  Were you able to get past the technical do's and don'ts and dig to the core of the matter?

If you did, you know that modesty isn't about rules. Modest is a heart issue, and it effects our relationships.

I know you care about your relationships with the people around you. Take six minutes to find out how you can enhance yours by listening to Elizabeth Inrig in this video answering

What is modesty? who cares? why bother?

Teach Your Daughter True Beauty, Part 2

Continued from Part 1 which exhorts fathers to combat society's lies about beauty and teach their daughters the truth.
By Ryan Malone September 2008 edition of Trumpet »

Girls, this article may have been written to fathers, but we can benefit equally from the beauty truths and tips expressed here. My prayer is that you will discover the Royal Princess the Almighty designed you to be. Ed.

A Facelift for Free

God’s Word also has a lot to say about hairstyles, jewelry, cosmetics and clothing. Isaiah 3:16 shows that the end-time decline of our nations is directly tied to the improper values in women’s appearance—the power they try to exert through their beauty—whether in applying cosmetics or in walking seductively. The rest of that chapter says God will strip them of their beauty and ornaments. This society, preoccupied with its warped sense of beauty, is about to be destroyed.

What our daughters need most of all is real, LASTING spiritual beauty. You can help give that to your daughter. Ecclesiastes 8:1 says “wisdom maketh [the] face to shine.” Teach her the truth about eternal, inward beauty and that will cause her face to shine more than all those who spend thousands of dollars a year in keeping their face “lifted.”

The Apostle Peter, using jewelry metaphors, exhorts Christian women to focus their adorning on the “hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price” (1 Peter 3:4). He also points to the outwardly beautiful Sarah, wife of Abraham, to teach where her real beauty lay: Her trust in God and His government gave her the most beautiful adorning any woman could desire (verses 5-6). This is the fundamental lesson in spiritual comeliness.

In 1 Timothy 2:9, the Apostle Paul addresses physical fashion, telling Christian women to “adorn themselves in modest [well-arranged] apparel.” Then the rest of the verse shows how true beauty comes from godly humility and the development of the mind in understanding God’s Word. If our daughters seek that, they will one day possess eternal beauty—with a radiant face, shimmering hair and dazzling eyes. God’s Word promises that!

Help Her Stand Out in Society

How can we help our daughters radiate the genuine happiness that enhances their beauty? Much of that comes from the happiness and encouragement WE GIVE THEM. They look to us fathers for that support; they need us to let them know what we find admirable about them. If we show them the proper kind of love and attention, they will feel adored, protected and truly beautiful. A daughter who is not cared for by her father will either feel she is not worthy of a man’s love or will seek that attention and care in misguided, damaging ways.

With all this in place, you can then help her understand what makes her beautiful physically. Teach her that the majority of her outward beauty rests in her face—in her eyes and smile. Also teach her—with the aid of her mother if she is in the picture—that good hygiene and proper health often does more for the appearance than clothing. Exercise can aid in appropriate muscle tone and healthy skin.

Also encourage her to develop feminine mannerisms. Helen Andelin, in her book Fascinating Womanhood, states, “There are thousands of rather plain women with irregular features and faulty builds who succeed in being attractive to men because they are models of femininity. On the other hand, there are thousands of other women who have beautiful faces and features but who, because of woodenness, or masculinity of manner, never impress men as being especially attractive. When a woman is tender, soft, fun-loving, lovable, and also innocent and pure, who stops to inquire if she has beauty in the classical sense? [T]o most men she seems a paragon of femininity. To them she is beautiful!”

Teach your daughter about these attributes of lasting spiritual beauty. Love and adore her; set the example of possessing positive energy. And if she stands out a little in this ugly world, then let it be for the RADIANT BEAUTY that God is creating in her and for being the royal princess that she is! •


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Teach Your Daughter True Beauty, Part 1

Fathers! You may not realize how important physical beauty is to your daughter. Here’s how you can combat society’s lies about beauty and teach your daughter the truth!

By Ryan Malone September 2008 edition of Trumpet »

The pressure on a young girl to be pretty is one of the greatest weights on the female mind—especially in the Western world.

In his 2001 book "Bringing Up Boys", Dr. James Dobson tells a story that all parents of girls should heed. When Western television penetrated the islands of the South Pacific for the first time, it “projected images of gorgeous, very thin actresses who starred on Melrose Place, Beverly Hills 90210, and other teen-oriented shows. Four years later, a survey of 65 Fijian girls revealed how their attitudes had been shaped (or warped) by what they had seen. Almost immediately, the girls began to dress and try to fix their hair like Western women.” Officials, he reported, saw “serious changes in eating habits among … adolescents. Those who watched tv three times per week or more were 50 percent more likely to perceive themselves as ‘too big’ or ‘too fat’ than those who did not. More than 62 percent had attempted to diet in the previous 30 days.”

The pressure to be pretty is a monstrous thing. Add to that how society defines pretty, and it can be perilous. It can produce in our daughters a dangerous cocktail of vanity, materialism, health problems and a host of character flaws.

Do our young girls have any hope to escape the rank deception that comes their way about their physical appearance? How can the false images popular culture relentlessly thrusts on them be combatted?

The answer lies in the home, with the parents—particularly the FATHER!

Make Your Daughter Beautiful

Fathers: You have a special role as the first male authority in your daughter’s life to ensure that she not only feels beautiful but that she also knows what true beauty is!

How can we make our daughters beautiful in a godly way? The answer lies in understanding how God adorned the first woman.

When God clothed Adam and Eve in animal skins (see Genesis 3:20-21), the Hebrew for clothed means to don with apparel or raiment—namely outer garments. It implies adding attractiveness rather than hiding shamefulness” (Herbert W. Armstrong, "The Missing Dimension in Sex"—request a free copy). Being clothed with raiment can make your daughters prettier. Yet, this Satan-dominated society often wants to define “pretty” by how much skin you show. Of course, different contexts (and even cultures) allow for different coverings.

If you want your daughters to be beautiful, adorn them (and teach them how to adorn themselves) God’s way. Teach them that modest apparel makes them more beautiful. It is ugliness to be immodest, which can arouse lust in a man and lead to more ugliness.

What’s more, the main seat of physical beauty for the female is not in the body or the clothing. It is in the FACE.

How Supermodels Make Themselves Ugly

Dale Carnegie, in "How to Win Friends and Influence People", relates a story about a dinner party he attended. “One of the guests, a woman who had inherited money, was eager to make a pleasing impression on everyone. She had squandered a modest fortune on sables, diamonds and pearls. But she hadn’t done anything whatever about her face. It radiated sourness and selfishness. She didn’t realize what every man knows: namely, that the expression a woman wears on her face is far more important than the clothes she wears on her back.”

Yes, every man—every FATHER—knows that. How often do you remind your daughter that the most beautiful thing about her is her SMILE? Yet how many “beautiful” women grace magazine covers with sour looks on their faces? It’s meant to be seductive or sexy, but as a man and father, I’m troubled by it. Not only is it intimidating, it’s not nearly as pretty. Teach your daughter that she exudes beauty when she has a POSITIVE attitude and expression on her face.

Mr. Armstrong wrote, concerning sex appeal, that it “is somewhere between 95 percent and 99 percent what one sees from the neck up! It is, mostly, what one sees in the face of the other which exerts the appeal” (op. cit.).

But our deceived society and its fashion designers seem to think that beauty is 95 to 99 percent from the neck DOWN. Modern fashion wants to show as much cleavage as possible, or as much of the top of the rear end as possible, or when swimming, to show as much of the gluteus maximus as possible. Yes, God designed those areas to be beautiful in a marital relationship. But ask your daughter: Does she want to be a mere OBJECT? Or would she rather attain beauty the way God intended it to be done—by living a happy life that SHINES through the face and then adorning the rest of her body modestly in a way that highlights her figure but doesn’t draw undue attention to it over her character, mind, sparkle, energy and smile?

God is not AGAINST outward beauty, but He also says it IS VAIN: It won’t last but a few years—it’s merely a TYPE of the spiritual beauty God wants to praise us for. Still, God made sure Eve was physically appealing to her husband. God’s Word describes women like Sarah, Rebecca and Esther as outwardly beautiful.

Continued next week with:
A Facelift for Free
and
Help Her Stand Out in Society
Go to Part 2.

From Male Clothing to Feminine

‘In seeking to become modest, I became masculine.’Genevieve Smith's Testimony on Femininity and Modesty

I’m the eldest of seven children and currently clock in at 24 years of age. I was blessed by being born into a gung-ho Christian family located in central New Zealand. I was raised to dress modestly. To me, being modest meant wearing clothing which was not skimpy, tight or revealing. But somehow, along the way, in seeking to become modest, I became masculine.

The Slippery Slip

I always was something of a tomboy growing up. I preferred trousers to skirts, mainly because I didn’t like any of my skirts, but also because feminine attire would have been unpractical for a young girl who liked to romp with her younger brothers, climb trees and dig holes with them in the garden! As I grew up and matured, and as the fashions changed it became harder and harder to find clothing which I considered to be modest. I started to sew my own clothing and this allowed me to sew skirts which I liked. I began to wear skirts more and more often.

About four years ago, my brother and I took off for the USA for an extended overseas experience. I packed two pairs of trousers and two skirts – all garments I had sewed myself. When the time came to wash my clothes, I put them through the dryer and my trousers and skirts, being used to being dried on a clothes line in New Zealand, all shrank. What a dilemma! I found myself in foreign country in need of replenishing my wardrobe. This proved to be a difficult task. The clothing in the women’s sections all seemed too flimsy and impractical. And they seemed to be made for women much smaller than my height of 5’11”. And so I turned to the men’s section to find garments which were loose, baggy and ‘modest’ enough for me to feel comfortable wearing.

The Discovery

Then one day I looked down at myself and thought, ‘I look just like a man.’ It was true. From my shoes to my sweater my clothing had all come from the men’s section. This is when I realized that in seeking to be modest I’d become masculine. I was truly horrified. I’d been seeking to please God with my modesty, but realized that I wasn’t pleasing Him by being masculine. In fact, I realized that my masculine appearance sent the message that I was rejecting God’s gifts of womanhood and femininity to me. It struck me that that was what I was missing: femininity. I needed to be feminine just as much as I needed to be modest. This would be pleasing to God.

The Road to Recovery (and Feminine Modesty!)

The area of femininity became a major subject of study for me. I read books, talked to peers, sat under the teaching of older women and attempted to learn all I could about being feminine. One book I read described femininity as being the opposite of masculinity. This helped me a lot. I connected this concept with the ideas that I was learning that colours and colour combinations can be feminine or masculine, that various fabrics can be feminine or masculine, that patterns on fabric can be feminine or masculine, that cuts and styles and forms of tailoring can be feminine or masculine. My wardrobe went through a reformation, and indeed continues to reform as I learn more about femininity.

To ensure I keep learning and growing and don’t start to cruise, I’ve put into place a number of initiatives. Firstly, I review my wardrobe every six months or so either by myself or with the help of a family member or friend. Immodest/unfeminine clothing simply has a way of making its way into my wardrobe. Secondly, I’ve started a folder on femininity. Articles, pictures of feminine looking women or pieces of clothing, fabric cuttings, colour combinations and other findings relating to femininity all go into my folder.

The Lord is good. Not only has He opened my eyes about the importance of femininity, but He has shown me how important a witness I have as a Christian girl to this pagan world in the way that I dress. May my wardrobe continue to reform in ways that please the Lord. I praise the name of the Lord.
~ Genevieve Smith, 2004

Do you have a story of your tranformation from masculine to feminine appearance? We'd love to hear it. Email us at NarelleWorboys@gmail.com.

Looking for a Hidden Treasure

Quoted from “Created to be His Help Meet” by Debi Pearl. Copyright © 2004. Used with permission.

Dear Mr. Pearl,

I am a 24-year-old male and looking for a wife. It is not as easy as it seems to find a decent girl. I want one who not only says she is decent, but LOOKS as though she is.

A friend of mine married one of the girls of the church. She wasn’t the most chaste dresser, but he was sure that once they were married she would sober up. She says she does not feel convicted about how she dresses, and he can only push her so far to change her.

I avoid him since he married, because I got aroused the whole time I was around them due to the way his wife dresses. It leaves me disgusted, frustrated and angry that a stupid, silly girl can cause so much trouble. Sometimes I feel my own body betrays me, but I know I am a normal male with a normal need, and the problem lies with females dressing so godless. Talk about dishonoring a man, all the rest of the younger females in church dress as bad or worse.

I had rather not get married than end up with a silly wife like her. Seeing Jacob embarrassed by his wife scared the rest of us unmarried men, because, as much as we want to get married, we sure do not want to end up being dishonored as he has been.

I want a girl who has not encouraged a thousand other guys to commit sight adultery with her by how she dresses. I want a woman I can be proud to call MY OWN little hidden treasure. How could a man ever trust a woman who, before she got married, “let it all hang out” for everyone to see?

I guess the big question for me is, how do we single men find chaste girls to marry, girls who are not interested in how sexy they can dress?

James G.

🌹🌹🌹

Dear James,

The Bible asks, “Who can find a virtuous woman?” The question implies, “Not an easy find.” It will be worth the search to find a chaste, virtuous girl. Until then, here is your letter advertising your concerns. I pray that the married ladies and mamas raising girls who read your letter will know and care how you godly men are thinking. I wish I had room to print 25 more letters like this, but one will have to do.

She who has ears…LET her hear!

Debi

What is Boutique Narelle? The original concept 2007

Modest femininity doesn’t mean you have to dress like a frump, hiding all your curves. The curves are part of your femininity. Our Creator doesn’t require a burqa mentality in order to glorify Him with your body.

Recognizing this, Narelle Worboys set out to construct a wardrobe for herself that was elegant and simple, with flowing lines and pleasing form that wouldn’t date. In her journey toward modest elegance, she learned secrets that have made her clothes more attractive whilst retaining the comfort factor. Realizing that she could shorten this journey for others, the concept of Boutique Narelle was born.

Discovering Boutique Narelle to be a vision with wonderful scope, Genevieve Smith and B’Ethel Williams formed a founding committee with Narelle. We hope you will be as excited as we are at the possibilities. These include:

• A reference resource of web links, books, and articles on topics such as modesty, sewing, and fashion.

• NewCreations: a regionally indexed list of seamstresses and others with fashion skills whose services are available for hire. Advertising through Boutique Narelle will draw a 5% commission from your sales which will go toward funding the website. If you have fashion skills and would like to operate a business from home but maybe don’t have the technical expertise or finances to create your own website, here’s your chance to get started. Boutique Narelle aims to encourage entrepreneurs with a desire to clothe women appropriate to their faith and figure.

• Sewing Tips: illustrated articles on garment construction and reconstruction.

• Closet Tips: articles and photographs providing ideas for your wardrobe appropriate to your figure.

• Shopping Tips: seasonal fashion review and store assessment.

• Social Tips: articles exploring what it means to be modest and feminine, dressing to blend in whilst glorifying God, being stylish rather than trendy or modish.

• Mirror Stop: a personal elegance checklist.

• Seasonal Secrets: summer or winter, drip or dry, there are ways to improve the comfort, practicality, and elegance of your clothing.

• Encouraging production of modest swimwear and bridal and maternity clothing.

• Art of Appearance: networking people who can help; girls with skills in clothing and other aspects of a girl’s appearance (i.e. figure, hairstyles, makeup) who are willing to share their knowledge on a one-to-one basis or in a group situation.

• Catalyst for group activities such as mall or savemart shopping ventures, fashion-to-figure wardrobe planning parties, design competitions and model makeover shoots (with rewards donated by stores who support our project), workshops in pattern drafting, sewing, and hair and makeup,seminars on modesty and deportment…

There are a number of excellent American websites that cater for parts of this vision, but we believe a centralized bureau with a focus on making these services accessible to Australians and New Zealanders will be of particular benefit.

We will not endeavour on this website to set out rules of must-do’s and shalt-not’s, but rather to stimulate your awareness of how your appearance gives either a negative or positive testimony to the Lord Jesus Christ and to assist you in modelling modesty in every situation of your daily life, allowing you, no matter what religious slant you hold, to find something at Boutique Narelle which you can use to enhance your dressing experience.

If you would like to be part of the NewCreations index or Art of Appearance network, send your details to NarelleWorboys@gmail.com.

We believe a foundation of prayer will be advantageous as we embark on this innovative project. If you’re excited about the Boutique Narelle concept and want to see it succeed, why don’t you place it on your prayer list?

If you have any comments or suggestions, please do email us at NarelleWorboys@gmail.com.